The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.
- me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
- me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.
iamjacks-completelack-ofsurprise:
Will Smith embarrassing Jaden has got to be one of my all time favorite things
are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
my cat sleeps in this box and i was seeing how far i could push it to the edge before he jumped out and
- Period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
- Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
- Period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
- Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
- Period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
- Period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
- Period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
- Period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
- Period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
- Period: Yell at a puppy.
« If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it. »
- Ernest Hemingway (via perfect)
(Source: larmoyante)
“cool jeans,” i tell a cute boy
little did he know that i actually talking about his genes because those chromosomes have combined beautifully ay papi
(Source: zooeyclairedeschanel)
- Me every night: I can have exactly 7 hours 23 minutes and 48 seconds of sleep if I fall asleep right now.
